I still

My friends remind me not to do stupid things no more. And without them, I guess, I wouldn't be able to get this far.
But each step i take gets heavier. A day without him never gets easier no matter how many days i've spent alone.

Sometimes i wonder if he still cared about me.
If i got myself into troubles, would he come save me?
If a fuckboy disturbed me, would he help me out?
If a random guy tried to take advantage of me, would he be there to defend me?
If, by any chance, i was so broken that i did crazy things, would he even bother to talk me out of it?

My irrational mind is always thinking about him, though i know he isn't a little kid i need to worry about.
It rains nearly every night and i wonder if he got home safely, i wonder if he thought about me as much as i do.
It's excruciating. What happened between us never really ends for me.

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