8.31.2016

I die every day since we broke up.
If there was another word beyond “die”, I’d use it to describe myself right now.
He said things that hurt me.
He did things that hurt me.
But I always run back to him. I always forgive him.
How could he un-love me less and less every day?
How could he do that to someone who has faith in him?
He killed me.
And all I want is to make us fall in love once again.
I’m willing to try even if he isn’t.
I’m willing to do anything to save us.
He asked me why?
And each of my answer never satisfy him.
I said I don’t know. I love him. I can’t let go of us. I can’t imagine my life without him.
It was all selfish, he said.
It was a mistake to love me when I loved him, he said.
It hurts so bad that i don’t feel a thing when i hurt myself.
I have been hospitalized for the second time this week.
Though it was all depression and a little bit of this and that,
All i want now, is to die.
My mom was suicidal, no surprise that thought keeps coming at me.
You killed me. And even if there are so many more reasons to live, you made me wanna die now.
It's so unfair, isn't it?
He fell out of love longbefore we broke up, but I still love him like I love myself.
It's so unfair.
He wanted me back and I let him.
But when I do now, he don't.
I know I have bright future waiting, but how could I see it when I struggle just to get through the day?
When I wish I were dead?

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