8.31.2016

I die every day since we broke up.
If there was another word beyond “die”, I’d use it to describe myself right now.
He said things that hurt me.
He did things that hurt me.
But I always run back to him. I always forgive him.
How could he un-love me less and less every day?
How could he do that to someone who has faith in him?
He killed me.
And all I want is to make us fall in love once again.
I’m willing to try even if he isn’t.
I’m willing to do anything to save us.
He asked me why?
And each of my answer never satisfy him.
I said I don’t know. I love him. I can’t let go of us. I can’t imagine my life without him.
It was all selfish, he said.
It was a mistake to love me when I loved him, he said.
It hurts so bad that i don’t feel a thing when i hurt myself.
I have been hospitalized for the second time this week.
Though it was all depression and a little bit of this and that,
All i want now, is to die.
My mom was suicidal, no surprise that thought keeps coming at me.
You killed me. And even if there are so many more reasons to live, you made me wanna die now.
It's so unfair, isn't it?
He fell out of love longbefore we broke up, but I still love him like I love myself.
It's so unfair.
He wanted me back and I let him.
But when I do now, he don't.
I know I have bright future waiting, but how could I see it when I struggle just to get through the day?
When I wish I were dead?

8.28.2016

One of the hardest decisions you'll ever face in life is choosing whether to walk away or try harder

How to love

I've been running from the pain
Trying not to feel the same
But it's a shame that we're sinking
See, my confidence is shaking
And my heart is feeling vacant
So you try to fill it in

You say "I could fix the broken in your heart
You're worth saving darling"
But I don't know why you're shooting in the dark
I got faith in nothing

But love, pray for me
I never had somebody
So I don't know how to love
Pray for me
I know I need somebody
So I can learn how to love


I know it's been a while
Cause my memory's on trial
For the way I used to be
My head is running miles
Round in circles and I try
To find the little light in me

You say "I could fix the broken in your heart
You're worth saving darling"
But I don't know why you're shooting in the dark
I got faith in nothing

But love, pray for me
I never had somebody
So I don't know how to love
Pray for me
I know I need somebody
So I can learn how to love

8.11.2016

I miss you. So much. As i always have.. I miss you and your arms, your hair, your perfume, your chubby cheeks. I miss holding your hand and leaning to your shoulder.
I miss being kissed on my forehead, cheeks and lips as you usually did before i got out of the car.
I miss hugging you, tickling you.
I miss lying on your lap while you were driving. I miss looking at you, even though you rarely look back. 
I miss you and the times you kissed my hand and bit my fingers. I miss the days when we called and talked for hours. I miss you so much that i simply want to call you and tell you how much i love you and that i can't live with the fact that we are strangers with memories. Today, i didn't want to wake up and go to work. Bcs i know it's not the same day anymore. It's not the same day in the past 4 months. I know it would be hard for me to leave, before this, i dare not imagine waking up knowing that the guy i love is no longer my boyfriend. 
Can't stop crying.

8.09.2016

If two people truly want to be together, there won't be a day without a text. There won't be silence in the car. There won't be peace in the sleep without saying good night.

If two people really belong together, there won't be tears in the bed, or unsettled arguments, or broken hearts.