A piece of mind

Idk what happened today. Is my PMS due? All i know is i showed him my worst behavior. I got too emotional. And he hates that. 
I complicate some things.
That's what happen.
I used to think that having mutual feelings with someone is enough to build a relationship.
Apparently, for a girl who dreams of rainbows and unicorns like me, enough is sometimes not enough.
Even though I don't show, I expect a magical relationship. Magical and old-school to be exact. 
It's almost impossible to stick to my demand of a charming demandless guy, but  still, I want to be fought for. I want to kiss under the moon light, i want to get surprises i never thought would come true beforee
In real life, though.. 
Do not dream.
I am so afraid to fall bcs i never really found a charming demandless man. When i fall, i fall hard. I just fall and I want to be sure if someone is gonna catch me. I want to be sure that i am caressed, not stabbed. Bcs as i always say, the heart is stupid stuff.
I can feel myself falling deeper and deeper each day. And i am just that light feather again, pulled by gravitation, not knowing what's awaiting below. I know it's mutual. I know. 
But as a girl who longed for a sustainable relationship with severe sensitivity and zero experience of getting loved as much as i deserve, sometimes i get skeptical, i still can't believe if he's real. I still curse myself sometimes for giving more than i should. I still don't feel loved enough. 
Maybe i am the selfish one, expecting more feelings for myself.

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