6.10.2016

A letter for JT

am not easy to love. I have demands and trust-issues over guys. And to fall for someone is to give trust completely without demanding too much. So, I am still adapting to it. I am still new to this. To trust, and not demand. For this self-centered girl? It takes a toll on me, but yeah I am trying..to give you a space in my life, to set aside my ego, to trust you.
Honestly, I am a hopeless romantic who gets needy sometimes. And to be with you means that I have to tolerate many parts of you which are conflicting with my interests, dear Mr. Robot.
Being with you makes me happy, though. 
Sometimes i get suspicious about how universe had conspired to bring us together. 
Maybe i can't be the perfect girlfriend, and you can't be my dream guy but if this is real, please bare with me: my quirks, my emotions and my flaws.

-Your Love

A piece of mind

Idk what happened today. Is my PMS due? All i know is i showed him my worst behavior. I got too emotional. And he hates that. 
I complicate some things.
That's what happen.
I used to think that having mutual feelings with someone is enough to build a relationship.
Apparently, for a girl who dreams of rainbows and unicorns like me, enough is sometimes not enough.
Even though I don't show, I expect a magical relationship. Magical and old-school to be exact. 
It's almost impossible to stick to my demand of a charming demandless guy, but  still, I want to be fought for. I want to kiss under the moon light, i want to get surprises i never thought would come true beforee
In real life, though.. 
Do not dream.
I am so afraid to fall bcs i never really found a charming demandless man. When i fall, i fall hard. I just fall and I want to be sure if someone is gonna catch me. I want to be sure that i am caressed, not stabbed. Bcs as i always say, the heart is stupid stuff.
I can feel myself falling deeper and deeper each day. And i am just that light feather again, pulled by gravitation, not knowing what's awaiting below. I know it's mutual. I know. 
But as a girl who longed for a sustainable relationship with severe sensitivity and zero experience of getting loved as much as i deserve, sometimes i get skeptical, i still can't believe if he's real. I still curse myself sometimes for giving more than i should. I still don't feel loved enough. 
Maybe i am the selfish one, expecting more feelings for myself.