Grandpa ❤️

I don't think one can get everything at once.
Whenever i get jealous over someone's pitch-perfect life, i always try to remind myself that it isn't as perfect as what it seems on the outside.
And that's true.
Many times, i pray to god to give me strength to handle my own problems. Many times, i get super stressed out and ended up feeling awry.
This time, with my graduation coming up, vacation, someone i am involved with, and the vibe of taking gap year.. I feel a little lucky for that.
It's the first time in years since i feel this secure about my life.
But again,
Nobody deserves a perfect non-bumpy life. 
My grandpa is sick. Idk how sick, but he has been admitted to the hospital for the third time. As much as i wish to say he's okay, i dont think he is.
He was discharged from the hospital two weeks ago and it happened again.
Liquid in his lungs prevented him from breathing. He had to breathe through tubes and his condition is terrible. 
Do you know what makes it worse? He has the equipment all over his body while he's still in conscious mind. 
He isnt in comma, or any state that makes us think he doesnt feel pain.
Before today, i always think that he's not an easy-to-take-care-of kinda elderly. He has a lot of complaint about things that don't go his favor. He is stubborn. He hates hospital.
 when he was admitted to the first hospital, we all knew how difficult it is to take care of him. But seeing him like this. So helpless and powerless, it is killing his pride. It really is. 
I love him. God, if i may, i wish you'd seize his pain away.

That was my draft a few days ago. I know that he'd be okay and my prayers would be heard. Grandpa is being discharged today! Oh i am so happy to hear that❤️


Like finally i did it in 3.5 years๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‰
I will take a moment of silence to thank myself because I finished what I started. I chose psychology as my major and with all the ups and downs, all the regrets and complaints in the process of learning, I am glad that I made it. I am glad that I could be responsible for what I had chosen. No one has ever interfered in my decision and I am proud to say that I am a grown up woman who has graduated as a Bachelor of psychology! 
Thanks mom and dad for picking the most beautiful baby breath and roses bouquet for me! Thanks mom for taking a leave to attend my graduation ceremony although you couldn't make it in the end, i bursted to tears when i saw mom and dad welcoming me once i got out from the ceremonial hall. I had been so worried bcs they didnt know the way to get there anddd i actually really wanted mom to be there watching the ceremony with me, on the other hand, mom was pretty busy that day, and dad told me that she freaked out bcs she was afraid she'd miss the moment. 

Even though i am an introvert who couldn't care less about other people, i am so glad you guys come (even if it wasn't for me, but well hahaha).

Thanks guys for sparing your time to come and congratulate me in person, thanks for the thoughtful gifts, flowers, stuffed dolls๐Ÿ’



A cool person doesn't follow people's opinion, but you're welcome to follow hers if you want to.
A cool person doesn't use trends as excuses to be similar to other people, they set them.
A cool person doesn't need anybody's approval in doing what is right for her as long as she fails nobody.
A cool person does what pleases her without the need to show off.
A cool person keeps her words.
A cool person dreams and makes it come true.
A cool person effortlessly makes people feel jealous of her freedom, her independence and her perspective. Effortlessly. 

I don't watch movies that I don't like, i do when I want to and when I am not busy. I don't watch K-dramas to spare myself topics to discuss. I dislike them and I never finish them except for one that I really like.
I learnt to drive before most people my age did, out of my curiosity, and yeah it felt good to show off except that i had no license and no one to show off to, but the cop hahaha.
I don't drink expensive coffee to let the world know that I am a high end socialite, I drink coffee wherever, whenever I want to, plus I am proud NOT to be a caffein addict.
I didn't sign up for gym membership to introduce people my already too great to be true lifestyle or to do selfies. I do bcs I'm a hard-core exercise-freak and slightly bullimic.
I didn't ink myself because it's show-off-able or bcs Adam Levin looks good with them but bcs I've always wanted it and my mom had one so I don't care if it hurts. My tattoos were all done IMPULSIVELY, no second thought. Ha!
I didn't wear braces because it's a trend. Hell yeah, it was 7-8 years ago when popular girls at school wore it for trend and mom asked me about it, but i was too scared of teeth extraction so, no no. I do now bcs I understand the procedure and, (ehem) I realise how bad my teeth formation is.

It's okay to be different, it's okay to have your own opinion, it's okay to oppose my taste and it's totally okay to follow my righteous path (just make sure you quote me as your role model, jk) but it's never okay to be selfish as forcing someone to agree with you, totally uncool to do something conflicting based on what someone does. Be yourself, except if you could be Blair Waldorf then please be her.
I know it's easy to get swayed and get awed by what we see in media, bcs it happens to me every day, but then i ask myself if I really want it.. if i could bear the responsibility of my action..if i would disappoint anyone. 
Contrary to the underlined statement, I have a confession to make..
I am a self-centered bitch most of the time. 
I care about my own opinion more than yours.
I notice my own mistake more than yours.
I hide my own flaws and have no intention to find yours.
I evaluate myself all the time.
I have enough stress to handle because I demand good care of myself. I have no time to look into your business if it doesn't involve ME in it.
But disappointment is different. It's the highest rank of fury, the deepest feeling that could break us. I don't want to disappoint anyone, not even myself. 

There are perks to be me, you know. I am not the type of colleague who cares if someone i never talk to disappears from work and apparently she quit or whatever. I am not the type of person who cares if my colleagues did not ask me out. I am not the type of employee who gives a damn if my boss raises my co-worker's salary or if they hang out like sisters. And def not the type of friend who needs gossip about your other friends.
Nevertheless,  I wouldn't mind to acknowledge some people I care about who have a place in my heart.
I hope it doesn't make me sound like a selfish person because I could be a nice person who smiles and nods when you boast and flaunt and talk bullshit. You do that if you need to, then we go home and I might just as well get the hint of what kind of person are, but I am a self-centered bitch (again), so I  dont think i need to tell you how annoying you are. Don't worry I don't hate you, I just distance myself from negativity..a lot :)