3.16.2016

Normal-izing

Being single for so long plus binge-movies makes one not settle for less, but also not so great in practicing a face-to-face relationship in real life.
Take me, for instance.
I am in control of the kind of guy I want to date.
But.
The guy who deserves full checks on my list doesn't exist, or maybe not in my life, so I have to mourn and admit it.

And honestly, it's been so very long since the last time I felt like a normal person in a nearly normal date.
It felt great at first. Super average. (Average is good right?).
It felt nice to have someone by your side and maybe look at you rather special.
I thought it's what I wanted. Something "normal" and consistent. 

It turns out..
I realized why my dating history was bogus. Despite all the emotional attachment I had, despite what I said about seeing the good in his bad, I could never crown him the title. I loved him so much, but I wasn't ready to introduce him to my friends or family.
To love someone is to accept them for who they are. To boyfriend or husband him? It takes more than just love. It takes commitment and readiness to go public, to cover each other's back, to forgive and let go of whatever shit going through.

So.. I feel grateful for finally good normal stuff coming up.
I do.
I just hope that my moodswing won't come in the way. 

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