1.20.2016

7 signs your friendship is BS

Nobody can survive alone. Introvert or extrovert, we need other human to live with because our psychological well-being depends on ourselves and environment.
Beside our own blood lines, they often come as people we call friends.
Based on the phenomenon happening in my own life, I notice that the friendship we made is most likely superficial.
Unless your friend(s) was there when your dog died; or came to your house, logged in to your laptop and talked nonsense; or bought you breakfast because he or she knew you always skip your breakfast; or shared deep secrets that nobody knows about.. Then you have every right to reconsider them as your best friends. 

The following are 7 signs your friendship is superficial:
1. The meaningless hang out/ You are just a hang-out friend
Of course you'll choose to hang out with people you are most comfortable with, the people you call friends or even best friends. One day one of your friends found the hippiest place in town and asked you out. When you get there you guys simply sit down, be with cellphone at all time, eat, joke a little, cellphone again, take pictures and..let's go homeeee.
The next time you asked them out, they didn't respond because they didn't feel like doing it. Why? Because it's meaningless! Plus you are the side dish.

2. Disguised sister/brotherhood
Fine, you told him/ her your no. #1 secret because he/ she is your best-est friend. He/ She'd keep asking how you were doing and asking about your progress. But when your other friends mocked you or attacked you (incidentally) about something related to your secrets, he/ she did not help you out. Or worse, you bursted to tears (because you were a sensitive piece of shit, sorry, because you were having too much in your chest) and everyone was baffled and shocked. Then YOUR SO-CALLED BEST FRIEND, looking shocked, asked, "what's going on/ what is wrong with you?".
You might thought, "Don't you already knew WHY? You insensitive arse (not necessarily to this extent)"
Right there. They might have been listening to your problems out of curiosity. That's it. They didn't give their slightest empathy to you, my dear.

3. You talk behind each other's back
I don't have to elaborate this, but be honest to yourself please. Do you still hang out with people that you bad-mouthed or vice versa?
Are you that hypocrite to admit? So are your superficial friends.

4. They abandon you
Let's say one day, your bad-luck hit you and you tripped over banana skin or whatever. Nobody could send you home so you speed-dialed your bestie to come over and pick you up. But you came to disappointment because he/she is queuing for Starbucks and you were suggested to call a taxi.
 
5. They are judgemental bitches
Ever since I learn Psychology, I understand that all humans have different ways to perceive their own problems. One might cry so much when their parents got divorced, other might feel better with the divorce. 
The weight of each event lies beneath ourselves. And if they ARE your friends who are supposed to know and understand how emotional or neurotic you are, they won't belittle you or your problem by complaining how much of a drama queen you are. Your friends should be those who support you and cheer you up at your worst day, not those who judge you AND make you judge/ blame/ loathe yourself.

6. You don't grow 
People who love you will never do such things that make you feel less than what you are. Funny jokes are meant to freshen up the friendship, but constant rude jokes are called verbal bullying and it's a total friendship-destroyer.
You might have gone to the same school and they made jokes out of you all the time. But at your 20s? Every time you meet, instead of catching up, they are still exactly the same kiddos you met at highschool who bullied you (but this time, with higher intensity).
You don't exchange new information and you don't even share experiences.
Or maybe the two of of you did share experiences, but your friend bragged about A to Z and you were listening like he/she was the rockstar and you were just an audience. No darling, no. If your friend were a rockstar, he/she would bring you to the stage and not treat you like a minion.

7. They are simply opportunists
People who "friended" you to take advantage from you are not your friends. I repeat. You're treasure only when you provide their needs. 
"Oh, I forgot. I only exist when you need me."

I am not the perfect friend, but I would drive a great length for you. I would call you up when you are having a bad day. I would share my favorite ice cream with you. I would support you at your first day working. I would even visit you at the hospital every day if you were sick.
I would do that but I need you to appreciate me for who I am. I need you not to feel hesitate to ask for my advice or to tell your secrets. I need you to be there when I said I needed a drink. I need your shoulders when I cry.
I need reciprocity and I need you to be real.

2 comments:

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