8.28.2015

Desire

The only thing that makes sense about Freud is his model of human mind.
We have a devil inside us. 
I call her 'desire'. 
When we want something so badly that we can't even control our own emotion towards it. 
We want it to be in our grasp, as if it is some goal we must achieve. The seduction of the object pumps the heart,  we'd do anything to get it. Kill for it because the desire is so strong.
Struggle with the superego, the so-called moral code. Fight with it to assure yourself not a sinner. Shield our heart from seeing the real us. The all-joy-and-desire humans. Don't we all?

I've always looked at the brightest spot, hence the naiveté. But I know better now.
Knowing about the power of desire for a long time, I only reckon it as a devil recently.
The desire to own a human being, referred to as love, or lust in certain circumstances.
My safe zone, the neutral ground, is lust-free. Occasionally, threat comes on my peaceful days.
I've met many. And one these past weeks.

The first time he looked into my eyes I had a feeling that sooner or later, the devil would act out.  
I have been keeping distance, but when he put my hand on his cheek and his on mine today, dear God I couldn't even look at him because I knew what I really wanted to do. 
Geez. He teased me, or the devil did. I have to remain calm and cold. 
One thing that I know, is that I like chatty man, but I don't love him and I can't anyway. 
This desire is unhealthy. It is a distraction. A flaw.


P.S.
This is predominantly the effect of watching Penny Dreadful. Discovering darkness at its finest. 


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