I am not feeling well.
My eye irritation surely forbid me from having too much fun.
So I went home after a coffee with my friends and right now I'm thinking about B.
So far, i have wrapped up my past and buried it deep behind. I demand myself to leave it untouched.
I will not run back to what broke me.
But I still stare at its tomb for a long time whenever someone else hurt my feelings. I displace all my anger towards him.
Sometimes.. When I wake up in the morning thinking about this D guy.. the only way to neutralize it is by digging a far worse memory.
For a long time.. I don't miss him anymore but I blame him anyway.
Do you think it's crazy that I want to see the guy who dumped me?
Idk. I just want him to know that i am doin just fine without his presence. I want to know his reaction when he sees me. I want him to want me as bad as I did and I want him to feel what I felt.
It's not payback. Idk what it is.
My friends talked about this girl, my acquaintance, who posted nasty words about her ex on social media. I am well aware that they have been in a relationship for a long time and I can't possibly understand how she feels as I have never been in a normal relationship before. But right at that moment, I asked myself what would I do if I were her.
The truth is, i tried to track him down last year, but he didn't exist anywhere in cyberspace. Despite the fact that i actually know his home and family members, I have no way to contact him. I could have ruined him, you know. I could have but I loved him too much that I didn't want to. And I love myself much more. I know that I can't change anything and I have to let it go.
One day, when the time is right, if God wishes to set the broken wheel in motion again, he will.
Just a reminder, a man who vanishes is no man at all.
I am still curious about his whereabouts though. Feeling like putting an ad of WANTED man to find him hehehe.
Well. Past is best left behind.
I am looking forward to seeing my future <3