4.19.2015

Mindblown

Heyy.

I'm so glad that I finally found my base line. My neutral ground. It's so comfortable and safe, I think I'm gonna stay here forever.
Neutral ground is the place where your heart is perfectly secured from any heart-break potential. So, it's kinda like the perks of a long term numbness. I'm not afraid of rejection, isolation, not now.. I used to have some kind of stupid anxiety when any significant person didn't reply my texts. 
But now I'm just cool and I don't care whatever others think about because as far as I concern everyone is just as important as their unimportance.

That's the bright side, on the other side... I'm goin crazy bcs my work and study is after me.
Crazy.
I'm havin my mid term test but I can't focus bcs every deadline is haunting me.
Once again, crazy.
I work in an intense work pace, I like things settled fast. I hate them piling in my head while I'm havin my meal.
Today I had a meeting at work. The bad news is, I'm one of the 12 book compilers at my work place-- I compile IELTS book, which is a lot of work.
I know my boss trusts me but.. really? Is it a gift or a burden?
It has to finish in June. Included second task, which is: preparing examination questions. And afterwards, during my Final at college, I am already selected to be a jury and leader of some kind of English speaking contest for senior students. Wait, leader here is not a boss. It's more likely I prepare materials related to the category, train the contestants, this and that too--which I have finished in 2 days with D's help, told ya I'm speedy.
But still. I am taking a seminar class, I need it done in June! And report about my group's apprenticeship too! 
I am having a hard time setting my priorities right.
And. I have this exam tomorrow. And seminar draft plus assignment to be submitted next Monday, geez. I need a break.
Seriouslyy.
But I had better start cramming now. 
Uh, ttyl.

4.10.2015

Gray

Die Diery,

Honestly, I can't even differ what's lust and love anymore. My head is so messed up. I get confused over many things. I wish I could stop over analyzing things.
I struggled fighting myself. And when I thought it was real, the feeling was already gone.
I don't know if I deserve anyone, I don't know what's or who's real.
I've hurt people and I've been hurt too, I just don't know which one is worse.