3.01.2015

There's no hole in her shoe, but a big hole in her world

I am a Cancer with water as my element. 
Everyone knows what a mood-swinger a Cancer is.
Mostly I have food-swing. I apt on binge eating or starve myself. Now, unfortunately I eat a lot.
Chinese new year cookies effect *sobs*

Few days ago a friend said sth about me that dazzled me.
"You are acting like you're laughing and smiling but you seem like faking it to cover your sadness. You look very sad and stressed out"

Well, the next sentence he said was " I know bcs I've been there too" made me consider it a crack joke but it does make sense.

Today.
In my daydream, I have been thinking about how to react when I meet him again. 
Yes, that junk that I've forgiven.
I used to think I would pretend as I never knew him. But that's what a coward would do.
After a thorough consideration, I think I should first give the warmest smile like I was never crestfallen, then say hi (him first or not at all) and go before my inner God scream for more.
Yes, it's a daydream. It's never gonna happen.

I feel alright. I am. But there really is a space needs mending.
I forgive. And I am not hard to please.
I have a hardened ice wall in my heart but it is as quick-melt as mozzarella cheese.
Which is why, God never update me anything about the ghost.
I'm clueless, which makes me wonder a lot at night.
Maybe all I ever wanted was an explanation, or an apology or a confession of whatever plot I was put into, for the time I've wasted mending a hole without tools.
Only then, I could complete the missing space.

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