2.02.2015

Chaos

I was typing my draft about Krabi holiday when it broke out.
Chaos at 2AM.
I was really scared.

I think I had a deja vu.
It happened once when I was around 10 y.o. It was really bad, just as bad as this early dawn.
And I couldn't stop crying till  I suffocated and my eyes were very swollen.
Today I saw her so broken, just like 10 years ago. The memory popped out after the whole time this little girl inside of me buried it so deep.
I hugged her bcs I was so scared if I'd lose her. I told myself not to sleep and kept my eyes open, I had to watch her. I kept checking her pulse till she became calmer.
By that time, all I ever wanted was to run away from home. I wanted to drive out just like what I wished I could do when I was little. Now that I can, I couldn't leave her. I knew she needed me, us.
I sat at the edge of the bed, and I didn't sleep till she really fell asleep.
I prayed.

The last milder one happened 2 years ago when I still had B to call up. He was never really there for me though,just a jackass that wouldn't pick up his phone when I needed him most. However I did (at least) have sb I could turn to even when it was too late and sb who would lend a shoulder and cheer me up hence the aftermath. Right now I'm just so confused about where or who to crash my problems with. No one is really up for beers, or sleep overs. 
I left my concern by the sea but the universe is creating another.

Idk what reaction is proper. This is not my battle and I don't want to get caught in the crossfire which is why I wanted to flee but I am literally between them. So they say children are always the victim, but I saw them bent even worse.

No comments:

Post a Comment