THIS dress is driving me nuts!
It's definitely NOT blue and black!


Eyes misty
Lullabies playing 
Darkness crawling
Heart pounding


It isn't the coffee, it prolly isn't my assignment which keep me awake.
I think it's a sign.
When I saw someone post a picture of her birthday boyfriend today, I had no idea at all till a sudden blitz of memory told me that it's someone else's birthday too.


Afraid to Love

I turn away
       and close my heart--
       to the promise of love
       that is luring.

For the past has taught
       not to be caught,
       in what is not
       worth pursuing--

To never do
        the things I've done
        that once had led
        to my undoing.

Lang Leav
Love Misadventure
Happiness is like candyfloss,
Light and sweet,
Slowly immersing to your suite

What You Deserve

I expect nothing from a relationship, but happiness.
It's not about what car he drives, or where he lives, or how much his watch is..
Or whatever.
I think we will all fall back to comfort.
Comfort wins at all costs.
Similarity second.
Standard could be number zero or number three. 

I have one little secret which proves comfort is a priority.
I shared it with one of my dear friends while we were having beer.
Whenever I look back, I know how silly it sounds, how careless.
Why would I be towed so far away leaving my standard number Z?
Because comfort wins-- sometimes after standard, sometimes before. Nevertheless, once it wins it will always be on top, you can't undo the feelings.
That's love.

Whoever tell you money can't buy happiness doesn't know where to shop. It sure as hell buys anything.
But remember, you don't need money to find one.
You deserve to be happy with someone who makes you smile without even trying.
You deserve to be protected by someone who is a keeper.
You deserve to be comfortable with someone who hugs tenderly.
When you feel how precious you are for that someone, that's happiness.

If you, as I, haven't found our happiness..
No worries.
Good things do go to those who work their asses off, but..love is patience.

P.S. I would rather post ten more of my thoughts than start thinking about my assignment. Geez.


talk a lot when I am drunk.
Nothing is sadder than drinking alone.

The Woman

Men say that women are hard to understand.
That we tend to complicate things.
Yes, we do.

All  she ever wanted was to speak the truth,
But she fears,
When he smiled with satisfaction,
Throwing words around,
Making her an object of foolishness,
We can't be more" he said.

But she wants more,
They just can't.

he's not worth it

I said there are three kinds of guys, but as the law of probability says, it's probable that he's a gay and taken, a gay and a jerk, or a jerk and taken. Worst.. a gay, a jerk and taken. It's possible. 
My friends said it's normal to be a little mad, it happened to them too. But it has happened to me twice. I have always tried to see the best in people. Somehow it just confused me. 
Some said I had nothing to lose, but taking time to consider opening my heart was already my loss.
Glad I didn't lose any further.
But... *sigh*




Unconditional Love versus Lust

Have you ever loved someone so deep that it ripped your soul when you were permanently apart from each other? 
When you love someone unconditionally, no matter how much you were hurt, you could never be mad for long.
You sincerely wish him nothing but happiness despite what he did. Maybe he is not fated to love you  but you do hope the other girl is worth it. Just as long as he's happy with his life with or without you in it. Angry and weak at first but as soon as you let go of things, you gain your peace. 

By way of contrast, lust is a completely different thing. It's an initiation in every kind of feeling. If he broke your heart in this stage, you might wish he got his damn Karma. May he got broken worse than what he did to you. Karma is a bitch and it chases like wildfire. 

I've had both. The latter one is a quick-recovery, yet torturing with jealousy. So pray hard, may he be served what he deserves.

My kind of Valentine

1.You Ruin Me by The Veronicas
2.Love Me Like You Do by Ellie Goulding
3.Terlalu Lama Sendiri by Kunto Aji
4.Habits (Stay High) by Tove Lo
5.Ghost by Ella Henderson
6.Don't by Ed Sheeran


I don't do Valentines

Guess what I'm doin.
I am shuffling my music track for the coming 14th Feb.
Seems I have plans on Valentine's day.
Plan A: listen to sad songs while getting drunk with wine all alone in my bed.
I know it sucks, really sucks. So, I made a back up plan.
Plan B: get my friends to spend time at the club and go crazy.
This one is a lot better, club is definitely the place where you won't feel lonely bcs all the love birds are having dinner, leaving single mingles.
But here comes big problem. Who are the friends I am referring to?
No one! Well, I haven't asked but I don't think I could find another pack of sad souls.
My God.. Since when did I become so unsocialized..?

I'm thinkin. My Chuck Bass can't be him who had no guts to ask me for a movie; not him who never carried out his plan to bring me for a swim and whatever quality time he talked about; not him who promised to buy me things that I never asked for; not him who ignored me out of the blue; not him who has hundreds of women friends in his Path; and not him who promised that he'd miss me before leaving without a trace indeed.
I'm tired of cheap talks.
Obviously real men are not those who promise you stuff that they won't do. And certainly not those who experimented with the softest part of your heart.

You know, maybe Valentine doesn't suit me at all.
Speaking of experience, I used to stay up all night to mould many many chocolates and share the 'love' but I'm sick of kiddo stuff.
Valentine is for kids and profits of chocolate factories and restaurants!
Yea, the truth is I'm upset. The helllll.

Good night


Blair Cornelia Waldorf

Bow down minions,

I have always adored her. She's strong, straight-forward, manipulative, yet beautiful, funny, protective and one quality of hers which fascinated me is that she always knows what she wants and of course ways to get it. 
She has a Chuck Bass who shares his dark side with her since the first through the finale episode. Perfect.
Well, Leighton played her really well that makes her real queen B.
If you have T.Swift or A.Grande, I have B.Waldorf as my muse.

But right now I'm feeling more like Serena VDW. Drifting from one heart to another and never really knows what she wants. It took her 5 years to find her true love who had been around her all the time!
I'm so confused about Dan Humphrey! One season he said he loved Blair unconditionally and next he told Serena that she had always been the one.
At least they ended up as I wanted, Chair and Derena together, leaving me the golden boy Nate Archibald, but no, Nate has had his issues, he's just as confused as Serena.
I can talk about my favorite characters fervently all day :)

Good night,

Closing in makes me lonely. Loneliness makes me crazy and craziness hurts ppl.

Die Diery,

I quote myself:
It takes one or two lessons to realize that one is a jerk.

I am more of a two lessons type. I do believe everyone deserves a second chance. It's stupid.
But what can I do when I see a slight of hope..?
I gave away too many free-passes, I know I'm way too easy.
But what do you expect from a vulnerable?

Everybody makes me numb.
It's like idc how many chances they take for granted, I feel nothing else but slight upset.
No more confusion. 
I have trust issues, God knows what kind. For me, it's either black or white, trust or mistrust.
My senses are getting dull, though.



God forgive me, for today I haves sinned.
Well, I do everyday, but I broke my principle and I fear it will change me.


Krabi, I'm in love (Part II)

I summed up the islands that i visited when I was in Krabi below, check it out!

-Hong Island
This island is restricted and controlled by the government. If you come by tour agency, then the ticket fee is paid. There are toilets and snack corners. It's unique bcs ships stop at a harbor which is a huge floating rubber. The tour guide told us that it costs 10000 Baht to stay at the hotel on this island.
The water here is clear turquoise with a lot of fish even in shallow water. It's surrounded by huge cliffs and white sand, perfect for sun tanning.
School of fish in shallow water

The floating harbor rubber

White sand and the beach= purrfect

I think there was a little sand on my phone cam :(

-Chicken & Turtle Island
Idk if we could actually land on this island, but they got their name from their silhouette. Current around the islands is very strong that I prefer a life vest to snorkel. The island is also perfect for adrenaline seeker bcs it's where deep water solo takes place. Shortly, it's cliff jumping. Tourists can swim from the boat to the tug-ladder and climb up as high as they want to jump into the water.

Chicken versus turtle

Strong current, life vest needed!

The "little sailor" was the first to reach the top and challenge the other swimmers to go after him.

-Tup Island
I had BBQ dinner here, watching the sunset, with lots of other tourists either lying or eating or just walking around. Beautiful shallow beach where you can take picture with the sunset further away without getting soaked. After dinner, usually the locals would give a daring fire show. Caution: no bathrooms are available.

People were queuing to take photo with the sunset

We got the last minute sunset pic, thanks China guy!

Whoaaa, fire show to warm up the cold night

-Railay Beach
One of my favorite! Hotels and stalls right facing the beach. The beach itself is calm so ppl can play volley or swim in it. This place is very suitable for youngsters ;)

Panorama from the deck of boat.

Beach tennis and beach volley

-Daeng Island
I forgot about how this island got its name, but it offers a pretty great snorkeling point. Water current was just okay.
No life vest needed B)

I didn't have any underwater cam, this was taken by my iphone 5s in a sealed waterproof bag

-Lading Island
Nothing special here except that its greenish water is surrounded by many broad cliffs. Swimming might be dangerous as there are many rocks and it's quite deep unless you hold on the cliffs around it. There are many sea urchins too! It was my first contact with the darn sea urchin when I was trying to swim pass to the middle cliff. My dad got its spines nearly the whole back of his foot while I was freaked out enough, feeling my blood flowing out through the tiny purple spot. 
The guide had to bust the spines out by hitting on the spots with sandals and pour some vinegar on it (lucky to have first aid)! After an hour, I felt better and the spot which might be the poison of sea urchin slowly dissolved.

-Poda Island
This was my favorite beach <3
It was very very breathtaking looking at it. Shallow bay in light turquoise to deep blue sea water. Soft white sand to perfect the picture!
The current was strong but tourists aren't allowed to pass the safety border. It's pretty great for sun bathing but chilling in the shallower side of sea is cool as the wave keeps coming after you and push you back to the shore.


Crystal clear 

On my second trip with the local tour (7islands), I witnessed a late night snorkeling. It was 8.30 PM and I thought we were heading back to the port, but then the boat stopped and told us that we could see  the light of planktons covering our body if we snorkel at that completely dark night. Dark as "black" and you can hardly see anything else but the light from boat, camera couldn't even capture a thing. Everyone was unlikely to swim in the cold sea after drying up their body at Tup island but as more people talk about how pretty it looked down there, more and more people geared up to the side of cliff where planktons reside. They said the soaked life vest was even colder than the water. 
The Korean guy that I really liked shouted "it's very beautiful" in Korean, and it was the only phrase I could understand. 

On our way home, I was sitting on the deck with my brother and our two Chinese acquaintances. Many couples were hugging each other, more romantically warming up their spouse who swam in the cold sea (I was a little jealous). The breeze complemented by night sky full of stars and a half moon.. the sound of the wave hitting the hull of our boat.. I think I finally found my peace of mind that night. Everyone was really quiet, enjoying the very last view of the sea.
After we dropped some passengers to Railay beach, it left my brother and me and 3 Korean girls on the deck. I lay on the deck, facing the sky. As the boat was sailing, my eyes were capturing every side of the sky. The cold hard deck felt just fine with a view of starry ceiling. I took a deep breath and I couldn't possibly close my eyes even if the moment was so perfect for a good night sleep bcs I don't want to ever forget the gorgeous starry sky. If only you were there with me, readers, you would be amazed. It was nothing special compared to the picturesque beaches but it was my most peaceful moment. 
The other boat with my favorite Korean boy :'(

Completely dark night

Railay from afar

Undescribable beautiful starry sky, but I couldn't capture anything else but the half moon and one shiny star



I was typing my draft about Krabi holiday when it broke out.
Chaos at 2AM.
I was really scared.

I think I had a deja vu.
It happened once when I was around 10 y.o. It was really bad, just as bad as this early dawn.
And I couldn't stop crying till  I suffocated and my eyes were very swollen.
Today I saw her so broken, just like 10 years ago. The memory popped out after the whole time this little girl inside of me buried it so deep.
I hugged her bcs I was so scared if I'd lose her. I told myself not to sleep and kept my eyes open, I had to watch her. I kept checking her pulse till she became calmer.
By that time, all I ever wanted was to run away from home. I wanted to drive out just like what I wished I could do when I was little. Now that I can, I couldn't leave her. I knew she needed me, us.
I sat at the edge of the bed, and I didn't sleep till she really fell asleep.
I prayed.

The last milder one happened 2 years ago when I still had B to call up. He was never really there for me though,just a jackass that wouldn't pick up his phone when I needed him most. However I did (at least) have sb I could turn to even when it was too late and sb who would lend a shoulder and cheer me up hence the aftermath. Right now I'm just so confused about where or who to crash my problems with. No one is really up for beers, or sleep overs. 
I left my concern by the sea but the universe is creating another.

Idk what reaction is proper. This is not my battle and I don't want to get caught in the crossfire which is why I wanted to flee but I am literally between them. So they say children are always the victim, but I saw them bent even worse.

Krabi, I'm in love (Part I)

Dear Diery,

"Go to the beach once a year, leave your concern by the sea and never bring it home" - me

I've just come back from a very refreshing holiday with my fam and it was AMAZING.
We went to Krabi, a small city in Thailand which offers a great deal of fascinating activities.
It's sort of like Phuket, its sibling city which is more well known for the beaches, but compared to Phuket which I visited like 5 years ago, Krabi is more serene and really my cup of tea.
Since they are the same kind of tourists destination, you can actually travel on the road from or to Phuket for several hundred Baht. The islands that the boats take us to actually can be reached from Phuket too.

Before I went there, I did some research about the city and Idk if it's right but there are two beaches where you can stay which are Ao Nang and Railay. I heard some other tourists come from Tonsai but I think it is located in Ao Nang too.
Ao Nang is 30 minutes from Krabi Airport and once you reach the beach, then you will see hotels, guesthouses, small cafes, tourist agencies and souvenir stalls along the street.  The Ao Nang beach is just across them. I think there are two harbors for ships. One is right at the Ao nang beach, and the other one is somewhere just a little further. There are some activities like parasailing as in Phuket but I don't think there is any jet ski ride at Ao Nang beach.
The sand at Ao Nang beach isn't soft but the water is pretty clear and clean..though not many people swim in.
Food sold in restaurants are mostly Thai, Indian, Western,and Chinese cuisine and some of them are pork free for there are many Muslims living there too.
Small stalls sell fruits, grilled seafood, and of course my all time favorite Thai pancakes!!
Restaurants might cost from 150+ Baht, grilled seafood from 50+ Baht and pancakes from 30+ Baht.
The city has some small bars along the street which are pretty nice for young ppl, it doesn't sleep. Some review from the internet talk about crime, but I think it will be fine as long as you keep your stuff safe.

 The street of Ao Nang district

Morning view from Ao Nang Beach

Sunset at Ao Nang Beach
 "Thailand princesses" are totally dressed up in the evening and available for photograph for some cash.

Night view of the street at Ao Nang district

Thai pancakes my favorite!

Souvenir stalls

The further Ao Nang Port 

Hotels range from 3-5 stars at the price of 1700+ Baht for superior room. Some hotels near to the beach cost around 3000+ Baht.
I stayed in Maleedee Bay Resort which was kinda far from the beach (15 mins walk) but it's nice and peaceful with some friendly staffs. It provides free shuttle from and to the beach every hour, I recommend it to ppl who want some relaxing holiday. At first I was kinda rushed in choosing hotels, so I chose the one with the nicest pictures and reasonable price before I read the reviews about the hotel. I didn't realize how far it is to walk for 15 mins to the beach and I was shocked with some negative comments in tripadvisor, but in the end I think it is not that bad. Yes, the receptionist was not really really helpful but he did help me to call Air Asia to confirm my flight. My room was a family suite and it was spacious. It worth every penny. It has three swimming pools, one of the smaller pool is just 10 sec away from our room. Food in the restaurant was so-so but overall pool and lobby are okay to hang around.

Tour agency
Tour agencies along the street offer various trips from different companies. Prices may vary depend on the accommodation. Prices of half or full day trips are negotiable. Sailing by longtail boat is somewhat cheaper than big boat or ferry.

Long tail boat
Snorkeling site

Wait up for Krabi, I'm in love (Part II)!