11.26.2013

Take care of your body, it's the only place you will live.

Hi,
I'm back again to update about my xx visit to KL for my osteoarthritis treatment :/
After I "hardly" threw away my chance to get a surgery last Monday, I finally arrived here.
I'm in Seremban to seek for another alternative other than surgery.
I've been given treatment for two days now and tomorrow will be the last bcs I'm going back to Medan afterward.
I do feel better after another injection but I really hope that it would be the last.
It's really tiring to queue for hours just to see the doctor for ten minutes and... back to the hotel in the afternoon doing nothing but sleeping bcs I can't walk much. I feel bad for mom bcs she has to come with me since there's not much to do here. She told me that as a companion she has to be stronger and she has to find a cure for me or else I won't be able to push her wheelchair in her old days.
I always feel like crying when I remember that.
Well, I could bare this pain even though I have to secretly cry and consume pain-killers trying not to worry my parents but mom's right. I have a long way to go and our parents get older each year. I will need to take care of them and before that I really have to take care of myself.

So, I'm ready to be healed. I'm getting more and more nervous each day, feeling anxious if the pain could just go away without any trace. I promised myself that I will end this year healthy and the next one too. 
I have listed my new year resolutions in my head. All it takes is one miracle.

Anyway I don't want to mark myself as a young person who has been through quite a lot but I actually learnt a lot. I learnt how to value and take care of myself bcs nobody else would, I learnt how to be grateful and most importantly, I learnt to see the love that my parents give to me.
Now..have you? See what they have done for you? Take care of the body that God gave to you? Or maybe count your blessings?

xx,
@Julquerade

11.25.2013

Dear mom

Today, I'm young but I'm not well. My mom is  the one who takes care of me unconditionally. So one day, when she's old and weak and she needs me, I promise that I will take care of her with all that I have. I'm grateful. Very.

11.19.2013

Every single night

Every night when I can't sleep I count the stars. Every night when I can't sleep, the thoughts and feelings fill my belly and I feel nauseous.
And I can't believe that I-miss-you-more-everyday feeling is still here.

11.15.2013

93 shades of blue

I was happy. Seriously, I was.
I was grateful and content with my life and sorts, I was.
But there was one thing that came in my life and made me happier than ever. 
It was ecstasy. When I lost it, I fell off miserably.
I'm not talking about "drugs" here.
I fought hard to stand again, but life isn't the same anymore.
I'm an addict and I am not cheered with what I have.
Many times, God showed me His love. I could peer through it.
I am still grateful. Always. Every second.
But the gratitude can't wash out the dissatisfaction and unhappiness that I'm feeling.
This isn't normal. 


Status:
Abraham Maslow hierarchy of needs: Belongingness and Love Needs

11.06.2013

Some wise sayings are classic but no matter how right they sound, 
they're simply inapplicable today because 
human nowadays does not love with all his/her heart.

It's ridiculous to see people who give their everything to the person they love.
It's just as ridiculous to see people who assume love as a mathematical structure.

Comment allez-vouz?

Hi there.
I miss you, a little too much and I wish I you do too.
Feel kinda lonely sometimes and I don't know how to make it alright.

My mid test is finally over but I still got many due dates to be done.
I have to rush but I want to rest.
God, give me strength..



11.04.2013

Happy 365 days, pallllllllll

I still remember today, the first time we really talked, and..our small talks turned us to be "pals".
We were magnetic. Those pick-up lines you made, saying that everything goes from strangers to friends to best friends to soulmates and so on. We were nearly there.
I had a lot of wishful thoughts when we were chilling.. The best part was always the arguments...or the times you texted me at your drunken nights..or normal talks about the future.

You were the first person who told me to be myself and don't change for anybody else.
The first man who wanted me to be open, who never judge me or others.
So there was no pride or shame between us bcs we could just say what's in our mind without feeling insecure.
There isn't a notch of awkwardness despite all the differences we have..
I could tell you how cold you've become and you could tell me how annoying I was when I kept on nagging like your mom.

It was great for a while till somebody stopped trying.
I'll never stop blaming myself for giving all of my love to a jerk, but after all, 
you'd always be my favorite jerk.
I can tell that I've moved on and I'm glad that we're still pals. Yes, pals.
But you are busier than ever since you moved out.
I kinda miss you, pal..





11.01.2013

Get well soon!

I've been feeling unwell lately. I got headaches and flu.  
I feel terribly cold even in a blackout situation, that's unusual.
I barely turn on the air-con and I'm not sweating :s