10.18.2013

Love comes slow, but it ends so fast

I lost the man I love and the man whom they said fancy me.
All I know is "regret" won't ever change a thing, but still, I feel sorry.
Today, a friend told me that I should have chosen the man who loves me, rather than the man I love.
I went speechless.
I'd say this post is silly bcs I'm trying to admit and accept and let go of myself.

My pal once told me, 
"You're a dove, and you can fly far far away, for fun.
But you'll come home in the end. To find whom you belong to."
To that I answered,
"But if I ever found a more comfortable home, 
I'd never return, don't you think?"

My answer was a boomerang to myself.
But not to him.
I flew away, but always came home.
Whilst, this man waited for too long, and he left.
He found a new comforting home, or homes.
I never see it coming.

Honestly, it was so close. 
If only he waited a little longer, if only I realized that I got mad bcs I was jealous.
If only he was smart enough to see the cues.

I tried to mend it. Even though fixing relationship sucks.
Respond was negative.
Now I see where I stand. People change, feelings change.
I love, but I don't beg. 
So I stopped wishing things would change.
This sounds like rationalization.

I don't know how, but it was sadness all around. And again now.
Well. He's stupid. Just stupid. That was the last thing I said to him.
Enough, maybe we'll never talk anymore, maybe I shall get a life.
It was the first time I stayed up all night to talk about another guy who's not B.

If he ever read this, maybe he has already hooked up. 
Maybe he would laugh at this, and everybody who knows would say I sound pity.
Who are you to judge?
But I don't feel so. This is not a heart break as the apocalypse I had 2 months ago.
I'm just trying to admit my slow-to-warm up personality, how I feel..

Tonight I'm gonna drink from the bottle to clear up my cloudy mind.
I must have been crazy for risking my pride.
Just be happy, am sorry for being a terrible girl. Lesson learned.
Women shouldn't lower their standard, chin up lady!


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