10.29.2013

Peanut butter to my jelly

Die Diery,

It's been a while since the last time I feel free and just great. It appeared to me that I might have become stronger than I thought.
Well, it's exam week and I'm glad it keeps me busy *not really, lol.

I'm so bored and I'm thinking of attending some classes, hanging out,or do something. 
Life is like an empty bottle when my besties aren't here and everyone is just busy with his or her life while I'm not.
What do you suggest?
Meet new people I guess.


I'm not a fine cook, but I hope you don't mind to wife me. #yes #pickupline #lol

10.27.2013

Juliana

I'm sooo blessed that I'm my mom's daughter.
She's all cool and just amazing.
I told her that I wanted to have a tattoo the other day and she granted it this morning, awhile after we met a tattooed shop assistant.
It was the best Saturday morning. We sent my brother to school and grabbed coffees then we shopped like teenagers 😍
On our way home, it came up like a random idea.
Tattoo.
I wasn't prepared, so I decided to have my own name tattooed. Haha. 
Mom had "another" tattoo as well!
Dad is uber cool with our randomness, most open-minded parents ever <3

Already thinking to have my second one :b

10.24.2013

*prone to depression mood*

We live to die anyway, so what's the point of living without getting what you want?
Without feeling happy?

10.23.2013

I'm staring at the mess I made.

My short vacation to Jakarta was quite epic!
I went there to watch Jay Chou's concert and to spend a little time out from my stressfulness.
It was a great concert with great buddies.
The boys came downtown from Bandung on Sunday and we had much fun for the culinary trip.
I met AJ too, my junior high classmate, whom I believe wasn't close with me at all. But he was being so nice by taking us for dinner :)
Glad to know that some of my pasts still remember me.
Super thanks to my girls for the memorable days :*

These pics make me smile but I sometimes wish I could disappear and restart my life from the mess I made.




       Family dinner (?)

              Loves

      Culinary trip!


10.18.2013

Love comes slow, but it ends so fast

I lost the man I love and the man whom they said fancy me.
All I know is "regret" won't ever change a thing, but still, I feel sorry.
Today, a friend told me that I should have chosen the man who loves me, rather than the man I love.
I went speechless.
I'd say this post is silly bcs I'm trying to admit and accept and let go of myself.

My pal once told me, 
"You're a dove, and you can fly far far away, for fun.
But you'll come home in the end. To find whom you belong to."
To that I answered,
"But if I ever found a more comfortable home, 
I'd never return, don't you think?"

My answer was a boomerang to myself.
But not to him.
I flew away, but always came home.
Whilst, this man waited for too long, and he left.
He found a new comforting home, or homes.
I never see it coming.

Honestly, it was so close. 
If only he waited a little longer, if only I realized that I got mad bcs I was jealous.
If only he was smart enough to see the cues.

I tried to mend it. Even though fixing relationship sucks.
Respond was negative.
Now I see where I stand. People change, feelings change.
I love, but I don't beg. 
So I stopped wishing things would change.
This sounds like rationalization.

I don't know how, but it was sadness all around. And again now.
Well. He's stupid. Just stupid. That was the last thing I said to him.
Enough, maybe we'll never talk anymore, maybe I shall get a life.
It was the first time I stayed up all night to talk about another guy who's not B.

If he ever read this, maybe he has already hooked up. 
Maybe he would laugh at this, and everybody who knows would say I sound pity.
Who are you to judge?
But I don't feel so. This is not a heart break as the apocalypse I had 2 months ago.
I'm just trying to admit my slow-to-warm up personality, how I feel..

Tonight I'm gonna drink from the bottle to clear up my cloudy mind.
I must have been crazy for risking my pride.
Just be happy, am sorry for being a terrible girl. Lesson learned.
Women shouldn't lower their standard, chin up lady!


10.10.2013

I need my oxygen back

I thought giving chance for myself to start over was a right thing to do.
I thought about letting myself fall and somebody else would catch me.
What I got was a big O.
Wrong person, wrong timing.
I lose confidence.
I fear living under shades forever.
Without distraction, I start running through the back door.
My heart thumps and I feel nauseous. Disgusted by insincere hearts.