This is Life

What is life?
What do you want in your life?
Why live an unhappy life? 
Why gain happiness just to lose it?

I don't know what happiness is, but I think I'm not happy.
When I laugh hard, I feel like crying harder inside.
I'm not that light-hearted anymore.
Smiles feel stiff, eyes aren't that bright, heavy sighs, lousy look.
It hurts whenever I whisper to myself what I want in life because I never expect anything more than happiness, but I can't even feel it right now.

It's a cool morning. Again, I feel tired as I opened my eyes.
No, I'm not crying. I choose to come off strong just to end the day. Besides, I realize how ugly swollen eyes are.
And, I'm becoming more forgetful than ever. I had weird dreams. I woke up at 2a.m. Do you think those are the effects of mojito?
This young heart has suffered enough, a new start is what I need. Even if I'm cold and stiff and unhappy, life still goes on. I'm strong enough to live and breath in it.
Except I wish I could block all those memories.

Btw, I have made one more dream yesterday. No, I am not used to dreaming or hoping so..it better come true.
As soon as I've finished my study here, I'm studying abroad. Far far away.
I didn't plan to before, but I made up my mind...let's see in 3 years ;)

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