11.24.2016

R

haven't felt this satisfied with my life for months.
It's hard to describe this feeling but I really miss this.
The chase, the flirtatious messages, the surprises.
It's been a while since i stop expecting it.
I never thought it's him.
Someone i firstly saw as just a flirty guy apparently treats me so well.
They say best thing happens when you least expect it.
I know it wasn't too long since my heart break, so I'm taking it slow. 
With him, i feel whole again. I don't feel like i need to change anything for him. He makes me feel loved and he's willing to go a great length for me-- plus point.
We have a lot in common. He knows how to melt my heart. He doesn't overreact. So far, everything's great.

10.17.2016

News

I have always been the kind of girl who is fond of writing.
Unfortunately i find more beauty in heart-wrenching drafts.
A few days ago, I was given an opportunity to handle photo captions of an Instagram account. I am more than happy to do that because it's really cool when you make money through what you love. The only hindrance is that this is a wedding organizer account,  so obviously I have to write something beautiful and elegant and of course festive, not something that I normally write, not something that breaks your heart when you read it. And honestly I find it difficult, thinking about it.. how could I have spent years writing something so sad? And now I have to learn to write something different. I wish I remember how it felt, to be happy.

Since i broke up with him, i didn't know what to do, so i went back to the old pack. The one where i work indirectly with someone who used to like me a lot. Without him i wouldn't be in this team. He's a good person. Btw congrats to him bcs he finally has a girlfriend!! Wow! I'm glad i no longer have to worry about hurting his feelings no more bcs apparently with or without a gf, he's still a confused sentimental guy who post sad quotes on instagram page- and it's 100% not for me 😂

10.09.2016

I still

My friends remind me not to do stupid things no more. And without them, I guess, I wouldn't be able to get this far.
But each step i take gets heavier. A day without him never gets easier no matter how many days i've spent alone.

Sometimes i wonder if he still cared about me.
If i got myself into troubles, would he come save me?
If a fuckboy disturbed me, would he help me out?
If a random guy tried to take advantage of me, would he be there to defend me?
If, by any chance, i was so broken that i did crazy things, would he even bother to talk me out of it?

My irrational mind is always thinking about him, though i know he isn't a little kid i need to worry about.
It rains nearly every night and i wonder if he got home safely, i wonder if he thought about me as much as i do.
It's excruciating. What happened between us never really ends for me.

10.05.2016

imysm


Last night i dreamt of you, pui.
I dreamt of you taking me for a ride and i could finally hug you.
I hugged you so hard bcs i've missed you for too long.
I know i can't turn back time, and i can't do anything about it.
So i gave up trying.
Just so you know, i really miss you.
I think about going to the on-going food bazaar but i didn't. I don't want to annoy you.
I dont want to hurt myself too.


9.29.2016

Craziness

I haven't returned everything he gave to me, most importantly, the memories.
I can't get rid of them. Deep inside, i know i can never love anyone the way i love him. No matter how hard i try to hide things related to him, i cannot escape him in my memory.
Thinking about dying was the craziest thing a craziness like me could do, i should've wished for a memory loss instead.